Sometimes in life we hit a bump. Sometimes they are large bumps. Sometimes these bumps are so large they seem like a mountain. The thing with bumps in our lives, especially with our relationships, is that some of them we can see coming and some of them we can’t. The key to getting over these bumps successfully is to take a hard look at how we came to this bump, and what WE can do to overcome it.

The first thing you need to do is to think about how you got to this place. Was it an ongoing issue that keeps repeating itself? Or is it the first time you’ve come to this bump in the road? What exactly  happened that lead you to where you are?

The second thing you need to do is to focus on how you reacted to it. Not in how the other person reacted, but how YOU reacted to it. This is difficult, but you must be objectionable. Take your emotions and feelings out of the equation.

The third thing you need to do is really get in touch with your feelings. This is the hardest part of all. Why do you think you reacted/behaved the way you did? What underlying feelings were going on. Once you figure that out, be honest with yourself. Why do you think you felt that way? Why do you think you reacted the way you did? Are they valid? Or are they just a past issue/experience that triggered this emotion? Once you realize the reason you thought this way then you are ready for change.

I am not saying that you have to change yourself for anybody. You have to be true to yourself. You have to remove the negative and work on the positive. Changing yourself has to be done in a positive, loving way. Changing yourself for a relationship means changing yourself into something that you aren’t. You want to remain yourself, yet remove the negativity that is affecting your life. In other words, change your negative thoughts and feelings and turn them into positive ones.

Once you can build a better relationship with yourself, only then will you see CHANGES in your relationship. Your partner will see these changes in you and it will reflect back on the way he behaves. If not, maybe the relationship is not worth being in at all, but by then you know that you have done everything you can. And with this knowledge, move ahead into a more fulfilling relationship.

Work on yourself first… then your relationship. Only then will you see true, honest, and fulfilling changes.