We all go through struggles in life. Whether it is with finances, relationships, tough decisions, etc. We ALL go through it. It is how we face these struggles, our actions and how we deal with them that affect how things will turn out.
Nobody said life would be easy. And nobody said life was fair. Life doesn’t have to be fair. Things happen. But out of these struggles we can grow, learn, and become a better person. What we have to realize is that some circumstances, some struggles are out of our control. We cannot do anything about it, but we can choose how we will let these struggles affect us, how we can learn from them and deal with them.
Some struggles are within our means to change, to do something about them. Here are a few pointers to help during relationship struggles:
Take A Step Back Calm down and think about what is going on and how the struggle started. Was it something you said? Was it something he/she said? How are you feeling at that moment? Is your thought valid? How did it get to that point? Write it down on a piece of paper. Visuals can really help sort through what is going on.
Make Space If the conflict is really heated, give yourself and them some space to think. It may be difficult to do that and you may want to talk about it now or argue, but this is not the time. You both need to think things through and absorb what is going on. This can also be a cooling down period, even if just for an hour.
Be Positive It may be difficult, but at this time, if you want to find a solution, you have to remain positive. Write down all the positives about your partner. What was it about him/her that made you fall in love with them?
Admit To Your Own Faults This is probably one of the most difficult things to do. But it does take two so you are not blameless in the relationship. If this is an ongoing issue, write down what that issue is, how it started up in the past, and your role in it. Try to put the shoe on the other foot. What may your partner be going through during this time? This is something that most people don’t think about.
Apologize Be sincere about your apology. Make it brief, to the point, and then let it go. Do not say “I’m sorry… but”, because that is an excuse. Just apologize for your part. You only need to say sorry once. And it MUST be sincere, not out of desperation.
Listen Listen to what your partner has to say. I mean really LISTEN. Don’t interrupt, don’t make excuses or comments… just LISTEN. The more you stay silent, the more he/she will open up to you.
Now, take what he/she said and really ponder over it. Did they make a valid point? If so, learn from it and move on. One thing you can do, to help not make the same mistakes over, is to write a reminder for yourself on a note. Post it by your bedside, or on a cork board. Or write it down in a journal. Anything you need to do to remind yourself not to get into that particular conflict again.
You cannot change anybody, but you can change yourself. And in doing so, reflect this newness onto your partner to allow them to change to your new attitude. Stay positive, reflect, and help keep the relationship fresh and new, just like it was when the two of you first met.